15 Minutes of Fame: Andy Warhol's Lost Trainer
by Rebel Goddess
Summary: Jude makes Andy Warhol's words come true in a slightly unexpected way when she visits Smallville and its residents like a Dickensian spirit. She's only got fifteen minutes and she's determined to use them well. No coupling, dumb jokes, fits in anywhere.


Oh dear, here we go again. Writing late at night is bad for me. Very bad. Worse for you. Fantasy time again…

This should, according to my now broken watch, take exactly fifteen minutes to read aloud / act out for as long as Jude is in Smallville, so it shouldn't take that long to read.

I disclaim. Maybe if I run away fast enough, They won't realise I've done this.

'_In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes.' Andy Warhol_

She stared at the TV screen, transfixed and transfixing, willing it do anything other than roll the credits of the last programme. "I don't believe it."

"It's only a TV show," her sister, sitting primly upright on the far armchair with a hardback book on her knees, reminded her with a sneer that was habitual when TV was the subject.

"Shut up," she answered, without conviction, abstracted from the workaday world. Her dark blonde eyebrows were furrowed into a deep frown. "Why didn't she see it?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Kate's brow was contracted almost as much as her elder sister's, but in her case it was because of the difficulty of her book, not her difficulty in understanding the cogitation of script writers.

"In 'Roswell'," Jude said authoritatively, "you couldn't keep even unlikely couples like Alex and Isabel apart with steel cables. In this, pushing them together is like trying to get magnets with the same polarity to attract or getting the Enterprise to fly backwards."

Kate's eyes were still resting on the page in front of her. "So?"

"So I'm going to fix it for them." Jude's eyes shone with a maniacal light, a look of unrecognised genius at work on her visage.

"Jude…" Kate's gaze was now fastened fearfully to her sibling's face. "You're plotting something. How can you fix it?"

Jude didn't answer her, instead walking off, a secretive smile on her lips like that of a saint contemplating sin.

Kate groaned softly, and looked back down at her book. She was too used to her sister's mad schemes to be distracted by them for long, but it was not without effort that she dismissed her worries and submerged herself in translated Homeric verse.

Two weeks went by without incident and, under the weight of the six other plans Jude had concocted in that time, Kate had forgotten all about the show's end and her sister's words.

Jude had not though, and as the scheduled time came closer, her workings became more feverish. She finished with only four minutes to spare. Carrying her latest invention into the TV room, she passed Kate sitting in the same red plush armchair as before.

She sat bolt upright when she saw the gadget.

"What the hell is that?"

"My 'Andy Warhol was Right Gizmatic'." Jude didn't turn to face her sister as she was fiddling with connecting wires behind the TV, "Do you remember that episode of 'Eerie, Indiana' when the kid got hold of the TV remote and bit it just as lightning hit the house?"

"No," Kate answered shortly, "I don't."

"Oh. Well this is just a slightly more complex mechanical version of that same principle. With a bit of 'Sliders' thrown in for good measure. Can't have the flux capacitor going wrong or I'll never get back. That would be too 'Quantum Leap' and, Kate, you're no Ziggy."

Her sister stared at her, allowing the slur on her character to pass unavenged, suspicion rank in her mind. "Back from where?"

Jude didn't answer, busying herself with her gizmo.

Kate moved forwards and stood, hands on hips, behind her, glowering. "Jude?"

The girl muttered something Kate didn't quite catch.

"Fine," Kate grumpily retorted, "don't tell me. I'm going to find Mom."

"I'm just taking a little trip, but I'll be back for dinner." Jude had finished fixing the cables and now turned her attention to the remote, flicking the TV on and tuning it into her second favourite channel.

"Yeah, right, whatever." Giving up, her younger sister stalked moodily from the room, leaving Jude alone with the announcer.

Jude barely noticed her departure. Her mind totally focussed on the screen, she listened to the opening words of dialogue and, with a final tweak to the spinning thingamajig, pressed the big red button.

"Somebody-"

At this point it would be nice to write that there was a bright light, a puff of smoke and a popping sound, but there was no such thing. The TV screen flickered momentarily and finished just as the credits rolled.

"-save me!" Remy Zero blasted, but Jude wasn't there to hear and sing along.

Where she had stood was a smoking patch of carpet and one trainer, laces undone, tongue hanging out. Well, after all that effort, the special effects department felt she deserved something and because of her the budget wasn't being blown on wrecking one of Lex's beautiful cars that week…

"Hah!" Jude bounced up and down on the barn floor ecstatically, grinning like a mad scientist when the Creature has just begun to stir, before the mob is burning the windmill down, and throwing her arms into the air in her glee. "Never work my light sabre! This'll show those damn eggheads in the Cult TV forum! Just because it goes horribly wrong on every TV show they ever tried it on!"

A ripple went thought the cornfields outside and she stopped bouncing at once. To the untrained eye, it looked like a breeze had stirred the stalks, but Jude knew better. "Right on time."

She threw herself down behind the couch and lay flat, without attempting to reduce the size of her skull splitting smile.

The music swelled up, source less, around her as the super boy bounded up the stairs.

'I'm more than a bird…I'm more than a plane  
More than some pretty face beside a train  
It's not easy to be me'

Heavy farm-boots came within her view and she noted the largeness of them, endeavouring to remember to check his shoe size for her fact-file later. She had a bet to win on top of the mission.

"Clark?" The familiar voice made him turn and her eyes followed his feet.

"Lex?" Jude's heart jumped into her mouth and danced the light fandango. Her two favourite Smallville men in one place - and so soon after she'd arrived! She glanced at her watch. Thirty seven seconds down. She'd have to hurry if she didn't want to be trapped in a toilet paper ad forever.

"I heard about Lana. Is she going to be OK?" The most expensive pair of men's shoes she'd ever had the pleasure of seeing stepped forwards, joining Clark's and making Jude's eyes widen as she attempted to absorb the sight, searing in onto her memory and thinking of the envy this moment would elicit from Lex'sSandals52.

"They think so." Clark's voice was soft and rather sad in tone. He had the weight of the world on his shoulders yet again.

'Good thing they were such broad shoulders,' Jude sighed to herself.

"She's coming out of the hospital tomorrow."

"Meteor mutant?" Jude nearly crawled forwards then to kiss Lex's feet for not using the tautological 'meteor rock' phrase so beloved by most Smallvillians. She reconsidered when she realised the boys were moving to the couch she was hiding behind. Her view was better from where she was - she could grab an ankle each if she wriggled a bit, too.

Clark sprawled out while Lex elegantly crossed one leg over the other. The vision of his royal purple socks under his stylish black trousers was too much for her. He had very nice ankles indeed. Lex'sSandals52 would be salivating.

Even as Lex began to talk of his latest lady friend, she was leaping over the back of the couch to land neatly sandwiched between her boys. Both started, but neither leapt up, letting her snuggle back into them.

"Who are you?" Clark demanded, handsome face flushed.

Lex, looking a little paler than normal, added, "Why were you hiding behind the couch?"

"Name's Jude and I was avoiding the meteor mutant currently sitting in the rafters. If you knock Paul out, I'll explain all about it." She pointed up and Clark twisted around to see a rather confused birdman sitting on the beam above the stairs staring back.

The super-boy muttered and jumped up, "Just a sec."

Paul launched himself forwards, black feathered wings sprouting from behind his shoulderblades, and gripped Clark tightly in an unloving embrace. He didn't really know why he had this sudden urge, but a slave to his instincts, he didn't think about it, only about the gorgeous Chloe with her feathered hair. That made Clark his rival and meant he had to be destroyed.

As the boys tussled, Jude allowed herself to drink Lex's beauty in slowly in long gulps of pleasure. "So, been kidnapped, drugged or bugged lately?" She asked cheerfully.

With the coldly perfect Luthor mask lying shattered on the floor, he looked so very young as he begged, "Pardon?"

"Take my advice, it'll be faster if you believe now and sceptically analyse this conversation later." Jude smiled sweetly and devastatingly went on, "You've had it hard, Clark's got it harder. I've got," she checked her watch, glancing appreciatively at the floor as Clark and Paul rolled across it, strangling each other, "exactly thirteen minutes and twelve seconds to set things to rights around here. Your Dad is evil, that's not going to change. He's attempting to corrupt Chloe at the moment, and she's beginning to crack. You might want to stop him. Trust no-one who wears black. Stop dating devastatingly gorgeous brunettes. They're only after one thing."

Lex nodded sagely, feeling on familiar ground here, "My money."

"Nah," she patted his knee fondly, a dreamy smile on her face. This was another moment to treasure. "Your body. Face it - you're irresistible. If this wasn't a daytime show, someone would have ripped your clothes off and smothered you in chocolate by now." She gave him a moment to recover himself, then continued, "Probably Clark, though I wouldn't put it past Martha."

Feathers scattered gaily over his fine form, Clark sat down on the sofa away from the stunned Lex and next to the sparkling Jude. "What's going on?" He groaned, sinking back.

"No time to explain everything - just listen. Something's going to happen quite soon that's going to change your friendship forever and set you both on your paths. You have to change it otherwise you-" she turned to Lex "are going to make your Dad look like Dr Barnado and you-" she twisted back to face Clark "are going to be doomed to wearing tight blue spandex in public with," she shifted back, ready to watch their expressions as they pulled forwards, shocked, to stare at her, "bright red panties on the outside."

Lex made a choking noise and Clark became as scarlet as his future self's underwear.

"You're both wondering why you should believe me," she predicted inaccurately as both were thinking of Clark's future costume. Neither were about to correct her. "So I'll tell you: I can see the future, but unlike Cassandra, I can show you how to change it. Chloe will come up those stairs in precisely seventeen seconds time, wearing a pea green jacket with wide lapels, a pink chrysanthemum in the buttonhole, and long jade earrings. The first thing she'll ask is if either of you have seen Pete since yesterday and then she'll trip and Clark will catch her." With that, Jude promptly dived behind the sofa once more.

Clark and Lex stared at each other for four fifths of a second before hearing footsteps.

Chloe appeared dressed in a pea green jacket with wide lapels, a pink chrysanthemum in the buttonhole, and long jade earrings. "Have either of you seen Pete since yesterday?" She took two steps forward, tripped on a stack of Daily Planets - all with the same date - and fell into Clark's quickly manoeuvred arms. "Nice reflexes." She wasn't moving out of his grasp very quickly, Jude noticed with sympathy.

"How'd you do that?" Chloe cast a wondering look at Clark as Lex addressed the couch.

Jude bounced back up, startling Chloe so that she nearly dropped into Clark's arms again, not that she needed the excuse. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Hi?" Chloe stared at the young woman who had popped up as if out of a trapdoor. "And you are?"

"Name's Jude. I'm kind of your guardian angel only I'm not dead." Jude waited three seconds before shouting, "Duck!"

Instinctively all three dropped to the ground.

Paul crashed through the window and, unable to stop, crashed into the wall, knocking himself out. He had just enough time to mutter, "Eagle, actually," before unconsciousness claimed him.

Flying was harder than it looked, Clark realised.

"You're good," Lex murmured appreciatively as he stood up, letting Jude exploit the chance of dusting his suit off with rather more vigour than was necessary without a murmur.

"Eh," she returned a little distractedly. "It was nothing."

"What's going on?" Firmly in reporter mode, Chloe moved towards the strange, who was still focussing on the bald millionaire.

"They'll explain later. Hang on a sec." The music that had never really gone away rose around them, blocking conversation for a few seconds as the scene changed.

'Wish that I could cry  
Fall upon my knees  
Find a way to lie  
About a home I'll never see'

Dizzied momentarily by the Stargate style jump, Jude closed her eyes and counted to six. When she looked at the world again, she found she was standing in Smallville's medical centre.

Lana, perfectly made up, with a bunch of roses resting on her knees, was being wheeled by a young, cute male orderly down the hall. She gave Jude a little smile, looking tremulously brave, and Jude felt sick. The girl had to turn every crisis into a melodrama.

She followed the white suited orderly into Lana's room and waited impatiently for him to leave. As soon as he was out, she closed the door and turned to the girl in the bed.

Lana shrank back, sensibly afraid of strangers who wanted to be alone with her.

Jude gave her a pitying look. "You're cute, you're not that cute." She pulled up a chair as Lana calmed down a little, while managing to feel relieved and offended at the same time. "I'm here to talk to you about Clark. Also about Chloe," she noted the girl's constipated expression and groaned inwardly. "For Peter Jackson's sake, you're in high school, not Dawson's Creek! What you decide today will not irrevocably affect the course of your life. You were with the jock for long enough, you should have realise that by now. You're not talking marriage."

Lana was looking thoroughly shocked. "Who are you?"

"That's not important." Jude tossed her dark blonde hair and waved a dismissive hand. "Clark will explain later. You're doing what you always do - concentrate on the obvious. I mean, Whitney, Byron, Ian…? Who did you think you were kidding? You've had a fair amount of trauma in your life-"

"You're telling me," Lana moaned.

"-but you're inviting more. Try to look beyond external appearances. Do you really want Clark or are you too afraid of being alone, of not being worshipped hourly, to go out with guys not totally obsessed with you?" Jude grinned, an idea that would make Chloe'sSweethear89 giggle, popping into existence in her over active mind. "Try dating someone who'll make you laugh, and who will tickle you without being afraid you'll break." She glanced over at the clock on the wall then at her watch. "Got to go." She wiggled her eyebrows so suggestively that Lana blushed without knowing why, "Think President Palmer rather than Jack Bauer."

This time, as the scene shifted from a stunned Lana to Clark's Fortress of Solitude, she remembered to close her blue eyes, seeing Lana's door open just as she did so. Pete arriving for a well timed visit, no doubt.

'It may sound absurd…but don't be naive  
Even Heroes have the right to bleed  
I may be disturbed…but won't you concede  
Even Heroes have the right to dream  
It's not easy to be me'

"Not bad acoustics," she muttered, glancing around to the bewilderment of the others. "Chloe, Clark will tell you as much as he can after I'm gone. Right now you need to be quiet. I've only got four minutes left."

The words "Before what?" began to form on her lips, but Clark and Lex shushed her simultaneously. She glared at them, but kept quiet.

"Clark, Lex, you need to tell each other the whole truth, and I do mean everything. Chloe, you need to get over your Clark fixation, or at least the part that's turning you into a first class, grade A bitch. He doesn't end up with Lana, or you, or even Lex for that matter," three jaws dropped in astonishment, "close 'em," Jude winked, "you're catching flies," and shut again. "There's a girl in Metropolis you'll never win again. Let's just say the initials L.L. are a recurring theme in his life. Lana, by the way, marries Pete who then becomes Smallville's first black mayor. None of this is really important though."

"It isn't?" Lex asked amazed, Luthor cool completely forgotten.

Jude shook her head, letting dark blonde strands of hair fall forwards before being pushed back. "Nope. You're the ones who matter. The world finds equilibrium between you two, but where that equilibrium forms is up to you."

Chloe looked sulky. "What about me?"

Jude shrugged. "Your future's clouded. You're not around when Lex here's in charge of Metropolis's organised crime syndicate and Clark's the quieter half of the Daily Planet's finest reporting team."

Chloe looked like someone had just scooped her on the biggest story of the year. "Clark? Reporter for the Daily Planet?"

"Pulitzer prize winner, with his partner." Jude grinned broadly. "Lexie and CK here fall for the same girl too. Sorry, Chloe, it's not you."

The boys cast sidelong looks at each other, wondering if Jude was mad or right or both.

"Doesn't sound too bad to me," Lex remained standing, to sit would be to put himself at a disadvantage, a thing no Luthor knowingly did. Unknowingly, he was giving Jude a damn good view of his body silhouetted by the golden light streaming through the window. She fought to concentrate. She could drool later.

Again the prophetess shook her head, "You're not getting me. You're going to be so bad, Lex, that Clark will be prepared to kill to stop you." She watched the farm boy shudder. "So I'm warning you now. Play at being enemies. Make the world believe it. Don't let anyone else, hate each other in public if you want. Just don't let your friendship die. Trust each other if no-one else."

"And then?" It was the first time Clark had spoken for minutes and he sounded changed, as if feeling the world on his shoulders more than ever.

Jude shrugged yet again. "I don't know, but it's got to better this way." She caught sight of Lex's watch. "Time's nearly up." Taking two steps forwards, she took hold of the boys' wrists and pulled them close to her, wrapping her arms both at once, letting herself smell their distinct scents, memorising the feel of them, knowing this would be the only chance given to her. Without pulling back, she started talking again. "Chlo, I don't really know what happens to you, but Pete'sPyjamas67 reckons Lionel Luthor has you disappeared after high school. Either that, or you get killed by a meteor mutant adding to Clark's burden of supposed guilt." She straightened up, realising for the first time that she was wearing only one shoe. A beeping noise sounded. Instinctively, everyone except Clark reached for their pagers. "Mine, I'm afraid," Jude turned it off. "Time's up. Follow your heart, Clark. And by the way, it's not all your fault at all. It's your Dad's." She stroked Lex's cheek with a sigh. "So cute."

With that, she vanished, leaving a smoking ring on the floor. Chloe promptly passed out as the recovered Paul hit her on the head. Having executed a neat upper cut to knock the bird man out again, Clark dove forwards to catch her, tripping on Jude's left trainer.

As his dive became a fall, she reappeared for a fraction of a second and said, "Bright red, ET."

He caught Chloe as Jude disappeared once more and Lex alone was left standing, amazed. He watched the farm boy lay his best friend down on the much used couch, disbelief writ clear on his features.

"Clark," he said very smoothly but with a hint of utter hysteria in his voice, "when did you start flying?"

At the last moment, Jude had remembered her Douglas Adams.

'Up, up and away…away from me  
It's all right…You can all sleep sound tonight  
I'm not crazy…or anything…  
I can't stand to fly  
I'm not that naive  
Men weren't meant to ride  
With clouds between their knees'

"What the hell did you do?" Kate shrieked as her sister fell back into the chair, a dazed and happy smile on her face.

"Huh?" Jude was in a world of her own making.

"You were on TV! You changed everything! And you lost your trainer!" Kate pointed a shaking finger at the TV screen where a bemused Lex could be seen holding a trainer, Clark floated some six inches off the ground and Chloe lay in a dead faint. The scene changed to a toilet paper ad and the sound dropped.

"I know." She heaved another happy sigh, and a slight shudder at what she would have been stuck in if she'd waited one more minute.

"Is that all you can say?" Kate was white with emotion. "You know?"

Jude returned to earth just long enough to answer. "Yep."

"I don't believe you." Kate fell back onto her chair like her sister before her, both feeling out of reality.

Jude ignored her, daydreaming too pleasantly to be disturbed by Kate.

"You know what this means, don't you?" Kate turned only her head, trapping her hair between her cheek and the chair cushion.

Jude nodded, her grin becoming bigger and dopier than ever.

"I met Lex."

"Not that," Kate scowled. "It mean one of your inventions finally worked." Her eyes brightened suddenly. "Show me how it works."

Jude roused herself a little at that. "Why?"

Kate's eyes were full of light, the same crazed light as her sister's had been two weeks beforehand. "We've got characters to save from themselves, and," she added hopefully, "men to meet. First stop, LA. This thing doesn't work on movies too, does it?"

Jude laughed and shortly after that, two more rings were burned into the pink carpet and a shoe was left stranded by its owner.

The Andy Warhol was Right Gizmatic had worked. Clark would go to the Daily Planet and meet the love of his life eventually, though the girl in question was still pouring coffee as an intern at that time.

Unfortunately, no traces remain within the show of Jude's trip to Smallville, though all their subsequent adventures are well documented, and as each show could only be visited once, Lex did turn evil, Chloe did disappear, Clark did wear bright red panties on the outside and Lana continued to be the object of desire for every brainless meteor mutant in the Tri-county area. The scriptwriters didn't like being superseded by an obsessed fan, even if she did write interesting characterisations into the show.

If Andy Warhol had stated the time as twenty, rather than fifteen minutes, history would have been rather more interesting as there would have been time to give Pete some badly needed advice about contracts and to advise Clark to start wearing glasses unless he never wanted to live a normal double life again.

Lex, however, did retain the trainer for the rest of his natural life however. When asked why, he would only smile secretively and nothing the scriptwriters tried (including burning down the mansion, robbing his safe, and ransoming his father with the shoe as the price) managed to pry it away from him, which was a source of consolation to Jude and Lex'sSandals52 anyway.

Song credits:

'Save Me' by Remy Zero.

'Superman' by Five for Fighting.

Both are available on the Smallville season one soundtrack.


End file.
